I loved Jesus with all my heart, with all my being. I wanted to please the Lord in every way possible. Before Jesus my life had been lived in gross darkness. I was an outcast. It begin to dawn on me how sinful I was and I became sickened at myself. I no longer was living as a sinner yet as I studied the ten commandments it seemed impossible to live up to God’s expectations. As I read the New Testament I felt convicted even more. I was falling short of the glory of God. The more I prayed to be “good” the less I was.

One Sunday afternoon I lay face down on the floor before God and with bitter tears over past and present life I poured out my heart to Him. I was desperate and felt I had no hope because I was looking at myself and knew I could not live up to the holy standards. My tears came until my face was swollen, my head was pounding, and my body exhausted.

I arose from the floor still in my fraility and almost without strength. I could not let go of Jesus regardless. I was deeply distressed because I knew I could not live up to God’s commandments. I was at wit’s end corner!

Speechless I fell across my bed with no place to go and wanting to go no place except to the Lord yet believing I would not be accepted. I stayed in this state of mind for days. I was a great burden to myself and surely to others.

Within a few weeks I was riding in a car with some friends who were fellow Christians. We were traveling to a church to give our testimonies. I was glad I was not one of the speakers because I did not want anyone to know my terrible condition.

On the way to the church I was in the back seat and looking out the window at the beautiful sunset and thinking how glorious God must be to have created such colors in the sky. Suddenly I heard angels singing. It was 1970 and I have yet again to hear any music to compare with the voices of these angels. I thought to myself I would like to sing with them so I opened my mouth and just as I did I was baptized with the Holy Spirit and began to sing in angelic words. I felt a divine burning fire set me aglow. The other people in the car did not hear the angels but they did hear me.

When we arrived at the church I was literally aglow with the Holy Spirit and got to the stage at the front of the church as quickly as possible. I felt compeled to tell all the people about Jesus. After the meeting many people gathered around and wanted to know what had happened to me. My answer: “It’s Jesus! It’s Jesus! It’s Jesus!”

Not long afterwrd the cross of Jesus was revealed more fully to me and my love and devotion to Jesus has never wavered. Yes, I take my place with this sinful woman and gladly wash His feet with my tears. Except for Jesus where would I be? He took my broken life and made something beautiful. He has never failed me and has walked with me through all my storms. He loves me – even me. He is my hope, my strength, my comfort, my savior, my friend and Lord.

Shallowmadeio!!! (my first angelic’ words – I don’t know how to spell it – I wrote it like it sounds). I prayed for many years to understand the interpretation and God did reveal it to me. It means “to shout the mighty praises of our wonderful Lord.”

Carol Lawson