Have you ever watched the television series Cold Case? I did for a while. If you like police shows, it can be intriguing. Unearthing long abandoned investigations, Lilly Rush of the Philadelphia PD discovers new leads, shakes down old witnesses, and arrests the person who really did the crime — all with a faintly tragic air. The main characters are always middle aged or older, with receding hairlines and well-rounded bodies. And there are wistful flashbacks to sepia toned images of proms populated by teenagers with raging hormones and secret animosities that almost always lead to murder.
But after a while, I thought it also got a bit old (no pun intended). Every episode has an overwrought air of hand-wringing nostalgia to it as — more often than not — old baby boomers revisit their youth. And one gets the sense that they are burdened by the past and, for all practical purposes, live there —- shouldering guilt and regret — living with the burden of murder, mayhem, jealousy, hatred, dark secrets, and the memory of having worn mini-skirts and bell bottom slacks.
Woulda, coulda, shoulda….how often have you used those words? Thought them? Lived them? How many of you are using them right now — tuned into the past, or the future. Anywhere but here — Anywhere but now.
My guess is…more than we would like to admit.
For example, some of us are the compulsive planners, forever weighing the contingencies. We sit in church and work on our plans for Sunday lunch, on Monday we will be planning for what we will be doing on Friday, or today we will work on what we are going to do if and when we retire. Others are like me — the king of the post mortem — forever reviewing the way we did things, sure that it should have been done differently. Did we hire the right lawn service, buy the right car, schedule the best vacation? Others are filled with guilt — sure that they have done the wrong thing, mortally afraid that if they haven’t, they will — soon.
Woulda, coulda, shoulda sounds like a joke, but it actually frames the place where many of us live:
• Woulda….What I didn’t do that might have made a difference
• Coulda….What I didn’t do that I know would have made a difference
• Shoulda…What I was morally obligated to do that I didn’t do
What do all three mindsets have in common?
They are all things that were never done and never will be done. They all three traffic in fear, guilt, regret, self-doubt, and insecurity. And all three are thieves….if you live in the past or the future, you will never live in the present. And the present is all you ever have had, do have, or ever will have. The writer of Ecclesiastes understood this….All is vanity. Life passes us by. Jesus understood this…”The rich man said, I know what I will do, I’ll build barns…”
Now on one level, our mothers have all warned us about this at one point or another. So most of us from time to time remember what our mothers told us and we try to focus: “Wow, I didn’t hear what was just said.” “When did the kids grow up?” “Has she already had her first birthday?”
What we are less aware of — and the thing that most of our mothers probably didn’t tell us — is that this is a spiritual issue as well. On that, more tomorrow. But today, where do you live? In the present — or somewhere in the past or future?