Why me?
Why did this happen?
Am I just not a good person?
Is it just that God doesn’t love me?
Is God doing this to teach me something?
Most of those are common questions and there may be more people asking them now than at some other times. But they are actually fairly common and most people ask them sooner or later. Sooner or later success turns to failure, hopes meet with disappointment, health gives way to illness, life comes to an end.
To assume that the reversals and losses are our fault is often a mistake. To be sure, some of what happens to all of us is the result of choices we make and when that happens, it’s important to acknowledge that is the case. But just as often — maybe even more often — there is no connection between the things that happen to us and the choices we make. And to imagine that our losses are God’s doing, is to imagine a God who would be hard to worship or love.
What you need to hear and the inner conversation you might need to have could be much more like this:
“It is what it is.”
It’s not a referendum on my goodness.
It’s not a referendum on my worth.
It’s not a referendum on my skill, ability, or intelligence.
It’s not a blessing in disguise or God’s will.
“It is what it is.”
The only questions now are these:
How do I find peace?
And what do I do instead?
“It is what it is” happens to be one of my pet phrases; people kid me for using it frequently. One of the reasons I use it, however, is because I think there is a certain amount of arrogance in trying to make a conclusion about God’s “cause and effect” reasoning and actions. If we do so we tend to anthropomorphize God: because we would come to such a cause and effect conclusion, we conclude that God used the same type of reasoning. We get into the same trouble we get into if we try to understand God’s justice or mercy by human standards – they are not the same standards. Rather than attempting to try to figure out God’s reasoning (a convenient way of attributing blame to God), the better course, as you suggest, is to figure out how to come to grips with the situation and take appropriate action, presumably starting with prayer. Thanks for this reflection.
How timely are the ways of God! Fred, your message today confirms what I finally confronted yesterday. A close family member has a mental illness and it has taken me years to come out of denial. I attended a NAMI meeting yesterday and almost all I could think about during the first class was why did it took me so long to get here? Mental illness has such a social stigma for the majority of people including me. I have been trying to get my beloved relative to “snap out of it”, “get a job”, or just plain get away from me after 25 years of doing my best to help. All the while blaming myself for all kinds of things and then finally getting to the stage of resentment and anger.
In class yesterday the knowledge was brought to light that it is an illness as other physical disabilities. Reading my lesson last night revealed that I would soon see how strong and courageous this person has been.
But the meat of the class yesterday was that it was no one’s fault.
I thank you very much for this offering today, Fred. It is a blessed confirmation for me. It is what it is. Now I am on the road to finding peace about this situation, learning to live in spite of it and with it, and doing whatever I can to help.
Thanks again! It is what it is! In God’s eternity all will be explained.
Carol